haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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