FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
