I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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