Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
