mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
