my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
