Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
