I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
