I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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