As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
