Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
