Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
