WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
