actually, I'm a sock model
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
