you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
