Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
