It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
