So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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