there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize