Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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