im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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