he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
