Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize