I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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