We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
