So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
