I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
