I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
