the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
