at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am available for nakedness
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
