Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize