It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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