i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize