Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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