what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
