Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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