So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
