Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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