I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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