I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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