he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize