to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
