theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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