this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
