Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
