I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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