i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
