Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
