If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize