I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
