Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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