But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
