your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
