i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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