btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
