The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
