I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
