After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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