Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well most of my day revolves around power hour
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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