um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize