I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm too high and old for this...
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