The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
