P.S. I can't hear my feet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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