I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
