Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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