i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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