i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
