There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
