A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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