I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
