Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
