you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
