eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
