sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
