3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
