Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
