Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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