Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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