This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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