I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
