**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
