We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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