So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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