break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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