I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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