i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My balls are so social today.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
