what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
