Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
