I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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