I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
